Hi my name is Dani, I’m a mum to two gorgeous little humans and today I wanted to share with you a little bit about why I started Made Wonderful…
As a woman who grew up never really having her self-worth validated, I’ve often questioned how to go about instilling this sense of worth in my own children. I was loved, I was well cared for; I had a family to whom I belonged. I did not experience trauma or abuse, and yet somehow I still grew up feeling as though I were inadequate. That who I was, really just wasn’t enough. It didn’t seem to matter how many straight A’s I brought home, the focus was always on the 2% I had got wrong.
And in a sense this led me to stop trying because, what was the point? If I wasn’t enough and I couldn’t be successful than why even bother? For a long time I lived with the belief of, ‘Don’t bother putting in the effort because it won’t get you anywhere.’
Well recently I took up reading ‘Mindset’ by Dr Carol Dweck. And it came to my attention that this exact line of thinking is what she refers to as the “Fixed Mindset”. The kind of thinking that only holds you back in life, prevents you from trying and makes you less hospitable towards others. How can you truly be happy for others and lift them up when you are always looking internally at your own lack? It just doesn’t work.
And so my biggest dream for my children is that deep down no matter what they achieve is that they would know that they are ENOUGH; that they can be SUCCESSFUL; and that they would find their place in this WORLD where they can make a DIFFERENCE.
But where does this kind of self-worth even come from? Well it is my whole-hearted belief that behind every child who believes in themselves, is a parent who believed in them first.
It isn’t enough simply to love our children, which we all do fiercely. We must also believe in them. If we don’t, then who will? It sounds simple, but I honestly feel that a lot of parents, myself included, don’t know how to voice or demonstrate this belief. There is fear of too much praise, the wrong kind of praise, not wanting our children to feel over-conceited with their efforts or to stop trying.
The answer lies in what Dr Dweck calls the “Growth Mindset”. This is a world where mistakes are not failures, but opportunities to learn. The focus is not on ability but on learning and growth; becoming the best version of ourselves that we can be – one learnt from mistake at a time! Therefore, as parents we should not hold back from praising our children, but we should focus on praising their efforts and not their achievements. On praising their ability to bounce back from a mistake, or taking an opportunity to learn. On praising their ability to persevere something through to completion, even if it’s a barely passing grade. This is the kind of praise that builds self-worth; that helps them exercise a healthy ‘growth mindset’ attitude. There is opportunity for belief and praise in every situation; and as parents it’s our job to find them.
The messages on our clothing are a way to do just that, and in coming posts I would love to explore with you my thoughts behind each of our messages. They are an opportunity to start conversations with your little ones that over time, with each wear and with each conversation, will ultimately build those belief patterns. Think of them like affirmation cards your child can literally wear and take with them!
Is there a particular message that resonates with you for your child? If so I’d love to hear it!